{"id":32200,"date":"2022-08-23T21:13:19","date_gmt":"2022-08-23T18:13:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/?p=32200"},"modified":"2022-08-23T21:55:58","modified_gmt":"2022-08-23T18:55:58","slug":"in-successful-relationships-warren-says-30","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/?p=32200","title":{"rendered":"In successful relationships, Warren says, \u201csimilarities are like money in the bank"},"content":{"rendered":"In successful relationships, Warren says, \u201csimilarities are like money in the bank<\/title><\/p>\n<p>Fittingly, it was Warren’s family, not academia, that piqued his interest in romantic compatibility. \u201cWhen my de along, that was a big pivot in my life in thinking about how do two people get together,\u201d he told me. \u201cI started reading in the literature and realizing what a big chance they had of not having a satisfying marriage. I started trying to look into it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Soon he began a private practice of couples therapy-with a twist. \u201cPeople have always thought, wrongly, that psychotherapy is a place to go deal with problems,\u201d he said. \u201cSo when a couple would come in, I’d say, \u2018Tell me how you fell in love. Tell me the funniest thing that’s happened in your marriage.’ If you want to make a relationship work, don’t talk about what you find missing in it! \u201d<\/p>\n<p>Warren is a big proponent of what he likes to call \u201cfolksy wisdom.\u201d One look at the shelves in his office confirms this. \u201cI’ve been reading this little book about the Muppets-you know, Jim Henson,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd I’ve been reading another book about Mister Rogers. I mean, Mister Rogers was brilliant beyond belief! He got a hold of concepts so thoroughly that he could transmit them to six-year-old kids! Do you know how much you have to get a hold of a concept to transmit it simply? His idea of simple-but-profound has had a profound influence on me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The basis of eHarmony’s matching system also sounds simple but profound. Differences are like debts you owe. It’s all right to have a few differences, as long as you have plenty of equity in your account.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Talk about what you really like about it<\/h2>\n<p>He leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper. \u201cMister Rogers and Jim Henson,\u201d Warren continued, \u201cthey got a hold of the deep things of life and were able to put them out there. So that’s what we want to do with our products. We want to put them out there in a way that you’d say, \u2018This is common sense. This seems right, this seems like it would work.’ Our idea of broad-based compatibility, I put it out there in front of you.<!--more--> Does that seem right?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Whether or not it seems right on an intuitive level is almost beside the point. After all, eHarmony’s selling point, its very brand identity, is its scientific compatibility system. That’s where Galen Buckwalter comes in.<\/p>\n<h2>A vice president of research and development for the company, Buckwalter is in charge of recruiting what he hopes will be twenty to twenty-five top relationship researchers away from academia-just as he was lured away by Warren nine years ago<\/h2>\n<p>A former psychology graduate student at Fuller Theological Seminary (his dissertation was titled \u201cNeuropsychological Factors Affecting Survival in Malignant Glioma Patients Treated with Autologous Stimulated Lymphocytes\u201d), Buckwalter had become an assistant professor at the University of Southern California, where he was studying the effects of hormones on cognition, when he got the call from Warren.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNeil knew I lived and breathed research, and he had this idea to try to develop some empirically based model to match people,\u201d Buckwalter said when I visited him at his office at eHarmony. He wore <a href=\"https:\/\/besthookupwebsites.org\/local-hookup\/stockton\/\">hookup dating apps Stockton<\/a> a black T-shirt and wire-rimmed glasses, and had a hairstyle reminiscent of Einstein’s. \u201cHe wasn’t necessarily thinking, over the Internet-maybe a storefront operation like Great Expectations.\u201d Relationships weren’t Buckwalter’s area, but he welcomed the challenge. \u201cA problem is a problem, and relationships are a good problem,\u201d he said. \u201cIn the research context, it’s certainly an endlessly fascinating question.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In successful relationships, Warren says, \u201csimilarities are like money in the bank Fittingly, it was Warren’s family, not academia, that piqued his interest in romantic compatibility. \u201cWhen my de along, that was a big pivot in my life in thinking about how do two people get together,\u201d he told me. \u201cI started reading in the […]\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32200"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=32200"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32200\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":32201,"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32200\/revisions\/32201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=32200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=32200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wahatent.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=32200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}